tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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