what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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