They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
3pm strippers are depressing
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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