Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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