yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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