I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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