it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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