you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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