dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize