I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
