You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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