Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
