in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger