I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
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I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
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I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)