I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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