I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
