At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
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