Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
