those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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