hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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