The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My dick has a subreddit
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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