I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize