Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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