I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
