Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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