My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
