There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
