The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
