im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
