i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
