What a fucking waste of an outfit
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize