Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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