he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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