dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
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no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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