You can't motorboat a personality
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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