It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
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we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
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