he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize