Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
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It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
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I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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