I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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