I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
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