im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
