no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
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Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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