Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
guess who came home with a hottie last night
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
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I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
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There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle