I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
That reminds me...we need to get swords
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.