i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.