Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.