You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
third nipple confirmed
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family