remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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