you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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