hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
