areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
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They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
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Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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