You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
