So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
