Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
