I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.