my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."