k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!