only if we run a train.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.