how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes