you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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